With your donations we can continue to IMPACT LIVES & HELP SURVIVORS HEAL! Read Rebecca’s story…

We are currently looking for someone to fill the position of
TREASURER. If interested, please email: [email protected]

Dear Anger,

I know you were not expecting a letter from me today, but truth be told I have to talk to you. I want to talk for a moment about how I was before we met.
I was so happy, full of life, spontaneous, energetic, and outgoing. I was always at the beach or hiking, always traveling, spent a lot of time with friends even.
Partied some. I did so much until the day you invaded my mind, my body, my heart, my soul. I didn’t notice you for a while but the people who knew me noticed right away.

And so-called friends started dropping off, one by one, and I realized I was alone but didn’t understand why. I started to realize I wasn’t doing the things I was doing.
I was just pretty much going to work and going home. I was in such denial because I was feeling things I knew that were not normal – anxiety, depression, solitude, suicide.

Thought cutting myself to feel better, alcohol. My whole self-image changed. You stole my self- esteem. I would break mirrors not to have to look at myself, but with time I grew comfortable with you. I embraced you because you were the only one I had in my life so I held onto you for dear life (literally). I am afraid of everything like an abused animal that is so skittish. I have spent 25+ years with you in my life. I remember all the tears I shed to you, all the feelings of feeling hopeless and feeling such a sadness.

I can’t even begin to explain. I ask myself how I let all these years pass and not try to change, not reach out for help, like I’ve wasted so many years of the prime of my life. As I get older it is so clear to me what you have done to me. Why??? Why me ??? What did I do ??? All these years I have blamed God and been angry at God.

Thinking this was His doing and now I can’t even pray to God because I am so ashamed of myself, and I feel like I can’t be forgiven. I’m tired of begging God to take me every night.

The last 2 years were rough for me. I lost everything because of you. I got fired from my job. I lost my car. I lost my apartment, all my belongings and became homeless, but thru the darkest hours I finally reached out for help. And when I did, I started to take some of my power back from you, only for you to be trying harder to hold me down. I am stronger now, maybe not full strength but stronger.

So as of today, I will be going through the motions to evict you. I know it’s going to take a minute, but I am done with your deception, your lies, your abusing me, and your detainment of me. I am done holding on to you because I would rather be totally alone, than with you. Will it be easy? No, but I have strength now I have not had in years. I want my life back and I will succeed. I won’t stop until you are completely dead – believe that!!!

I want to wake up and say I am happy; I am alive.
I want to be happy, not sad and depressed.
I want to be able to brush my hair every day.
I want to be able to take a shower without fear.
I want to be able to be outside again, around people.
I want to be able to go shopping again.

This and so much more you have taken from me, but I claim it all back!!!!!
My only wish is that you go straight to hell and burn till you don’t exist anymore.
Not sorry,

Becky Estrada


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